Could You Possibly Walk any Slower?
by Nanenna
Summary: As a gift for Catsafari I was given this prompt: you walk so freaking slow so i tried walking on the grass to overtake your snail butt but my foot caught on a rock and your long fancy coat was the only thing i could grab on before i completely lost my dignity. Haru/Baron
1. Could You Possibly Walk any Slower?

Happy birthday, Catsafari! As of publishing this it was Catsafari's birthday yesterday and as a gift to her I asked her to give me a prompt. Here are the results, a fun little one shot that grew completely out of control.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't even own the idea behind this story, but I did write every single word all by myself.

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Haru was running late, that was an undisputed fact. She half speed walked, half jogged down the side walk. She'd have all out sprinted, but the modest heels she was wearing were just enough to make anything too fast quite dangerous. Not to mention the pencil skirt and her best blouse making it all the harder to do anything more than a stilted strut from the bus stop to her destination. A blast of frigid winter wind made her clutch her overcoat all the tighter around her interview outfit, she hoped her hair wouldn't be in too much of a mess when she got there. A glance at her phone, the interview was supposed to start in six minutes, meaning she was unofficially already ten minutes late and probably meant if she made it in time it would be with only seconds to spare. She tried to walk faster despite her already unsteady ankles.

The flustered young woman turned a corner, and found the narrow side walk taken up by the back of... someone. Someone wearing a top hat and expensive looking long coat, complete with a cane, smart looking shoes, and... were those gloves on his hands? And he seemed to be out for a leisurely stroll. Haru debated her options, the gutter was full of dirty looking water, not to mention the streets were as narrow as the side walk so cars were whizzing by a hair's breadth from her already, so that route was right out. The shops lining the street were butted right up against the side walk as well, no way to squeeze past on that side either. Ugh, this was impossible!

Haru threw up her hands in silent frustration. Maybe she would just give up and go home, it's not like this job was strictly necessary. Sure, the hours would be a bit nicer than the late nights at her current job, and it was sort of closer to her field of study, but the hourly wage would be lower so over all it seemed like a step sideways, and this seemed like an awful lot of effort for what amounted to a step sideways.

Oh wait, the next building was set a bit further back from the street, it looked like whoever built it had bought up several buildings and some on the next street over, bulldozed them all, and built some modern-ish monstrosity made of nothing but glass and steel. There was a path leading to the front door smack in the middle of some municipal grass with ornate fountains on either side. This was her chance!

Haru slipped past the older gentleman and started speed walking over the grass. Unfortunately a miscalculation in where her foot would land on the cement path meant her foot was half on it and Haru's ankle gave up. With a strangled yelp Haru reached for the nearest thing as she tipped over, which happened to be the man she was trying to walk around.

There was a clatter as something hit the ground, Haru squeezed her eyes shut and clung to the fabric she had grabbed like a life line. It took a moment for her to realize that she wasn't the thing that had clattered to the ground. She peeked, finding her hands fisted in thick, cream colored fabric, wool probably. There was a hand at one elbow and another on her shoulder. "Are you alright, miss?"

Haru looked up at hearing the posh accent, surprised to find what she had assumed was an eccentric old man out for a stroll was actually an eccentric, handsome young man out for a stroll. "Oh um... yes, thank you." Haru looked down in embarrassment as she tried to get her feet back under her. "Are you alright?"

"Quite well, thank you. That was quite the nasty fall you nearly took." Haru just nodded in response, letting go of the young man's coat without raising her eyes. That's when she noticed his cane sprawled across the sidewalk.

"Oh no, your cane!"

"It's quite alright, miss." They both reached to pick it up, meaning Haru's hand brushed the young man's gloved hand. She let go immediately as he inspected it.

"Is it okay?

"No damage done, thank you for asking." Haru sighed in relief, she didn't want to have to replace the expensive looking cane. "Ah, where are my manners? My name is Humbert von Gikkingen, though my friends just call me Baron." The young man smoothly turned and stood erect, tipping his top hat as he introduced himself. Then he held a gloved hand out to her, "And you would be...?"

"Haru Yoshioka," she replied as she shook his hand, trying to stifle a giggle.

"A pleasure to meet you."

"Ah, wait!" Haru whipped her phone back out and checked the time. "Augh, there's no way I'll make it in time now." She drooped in defeat, the interview was due to start in just two minutes. Even if she could run she was pretty sure she wouldn't make it. "I give up, it's impossible!"

"If I might suggest, could you call whoever you're meeting and inform them you're on your way?"

Haru blinked at Baron, she hadn't even considered it. "I don't see why not." She had to dig the contact information out of her pocket, Baron took the liberty of gently taking her elbow and guiding her into a sort of nook between buildings so they were out of the other pedestrians' way. While she was waiting for the other end to pick up Haru decided the prospective job really wasn't worth going through all this fuss again. Baron was politely looking away as Haru just as politely canceled the interview, though she was sure he was listening in. As she locked her phone's screen and tucked it away she noticed he was staring down at his phone as well, presumably to check the time despite what looked like a chain to a pocket watch being clearly visible on his waist coat, or whatever those vests that go with suits are called.

"Ah well, if you're all settled I really need to get going myself, dress rehearsal today you know." Haru perked up at Baron's comment, it would certainly explain his unusual clothes.

"A dress rehearsal for what?"

"For a play my class is putting on. I can tell you about it if you like, but it will need to be while we're walking." Baron offered his arm, which Haru took as her new friend started leading her away.

"I'm guessing this class is a theatre class?"

"Of course, we're doing Dickens."

"Ah, that explains the outfit. But... isn't it a bit late to be doing a Christmas play? It's January."

"Oliver Twist, actually. I'm playing Mr. Brownlow, the kindly gentleman that takes in the titular orphan boy. I had some extra time before rehearsal starts so I was uh... trying to get into character." Haru giggled, Baron seemed rather embarrassed to be caught like this. "What about you, Miss Haru?"

Haru had to stifle more giggles, she wasn't used to being called 'miss.' "I'm a student as well, clothing and fashion. I have a lot of experience with working with clothing, the fashion part not so much." A glance over to her companion showed a twinkle in his eye that made Haru nervous for some reason.

"Have you ever considered going into costuming?"

"Let me guess, your theatre class needs a replacement costumer."

"Ah, you caught me. Yes, the theatre department is rather short of costumers this year and we've taken to recruiting from the fashion department to make deadlines. For us it's mostly tailoring or making clothes to match already existing designs, not so much making completely original designs. Most fashion students would rather turn every play into a runway show, gaudy one's at that." Baron's last comment was such a mix of defeat and disgust that Haru couldn't help feeling sympathetic. Not to mention she hadn't even considered costume design as a possible career, with the way her classes were going she was sure she was going to end up as a tailor at some dry cleaner or other.

"Well, I'll have to talk to the director or whoever first, but I'll definitely consider it."

"Great! You can talk to her today at the rehearsal! Plus I'm sure you'll love watching us practice, the class is a lot of fun this year. Mrs. Tupman is being especially brave and letting us put on Oliver Twist as a musical, since she has so many returning students this year." Haru couldn't hold in a guffaw, that did actually sound like fun. Or at least the way Baron put it made it sound like fun. Perhaps it was a good thing the interview fell through after all.


	2. The Floor is Lava!

Happy Birthday Catsafari! I asked her for a prompt and she gave me a choice of three. All were rather cute but one stood out, it fit perfectly in with last year's prompt so now it gets a little sequel. Enjoy!

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Haru struggled to push the theatre door open, her arms were full of brightly colored swaths of fabric and getting in and out of places without the use of her arms was not easy. Finally she managed to wrestle the door open and get through without dropping or ripping anything, she was feeling rather proud about that. She stood a moment setting everything into place then looked up. She blinked once, twice, thrice... she was used to the drama students doing weird, well... dramatic things, but this was a new one. Haru stood at the back of the theatre, where people filed in to be seated. All the way at the other end, up on the stage, the drama class had filled the stage with various pieces of furniture dragged in from the back room and a mish-mash of old set pieces. Every single student was perched precariously on furniture and set piece alike, Toto was clinging to a firehouse pole replica as if his life depended on it.

"Haru!" called Tomo, one of the girls taking the class, "get _off_ the floor! It's _lava_!"

Haru blinked at them for a moment, seemingly unable to process what she had just been told. Then without warning she leapt onto one of the audience seats, scattering a few pieces of fabric and dumping the rest onto the next seat over. "Oh my goodness, I almost burned my feet off!" The others laughed as Haru grinned at them.

"Haru, come join us on stage!" Toto waved frantically at her, causing him to slip down the pole and nearly fall. He quickly grabbed the pole again carefully scooted back up it.

"How do I... no wait. Just gimme a second..." Haru slipped down into the seat proper, careful to keep her feet off the floor as she took off her shoes and laid them down next to her pile of fabric, balling up her socks and stuffing them in the shoes for good measure. Then she climbed back up, standing the seat and gauging how far it was to the stage. "Wish me luck, guys!"

"Break a leg!" was chorused as Haru carefully stepped up onto the back of the next seat. With arms spread out for balance, she wobbled her way over the backs of the seats until she was at the front row and down onto the seat proper. Then a conundrum stood before, "Uh guys? How do I get over the orchestra pit?" Haru stood staring down into it, the pit was currently empty of all chairs and music stands, a veritable sea of untouched lava a level below the. There was a scramble as the students, save Toto who seemed to have yet to figure out how to get _off_ the pole, jumped from piece to piece to discuss how Haru might get up onto the stage.

When they were satisfied Baron jumped onto a couch off to one side and beckoned Haru closer. "We have decided, the wall between the audience and the orchestra pit does _not_ count as floor. Just walk along it over here."

Haru eyed the wall warily. It wasn't a particularly thin wall, made of brick like the rest of the ancient building, but it was no wider than a balance beam used in gymnastics. Haru was not known for her amazing balance.

"The baby's a big chicken!" Muta hollered from a lounge chair he was currently lounging in. Sideways. Haru stuck her tongue out at him.

"Shut up, Muta!" Tomo yelled before turning her attention back to Haru. "You can do it Haru, just don't stop and let your momentum carry you!"

Haru took a deep breath, then nodded. She took the extra wide step up onto the wall, nearly fell over, managed to regain her balance, then turned to face Baron who stood with one leg up on the back of the couch. He rather reminded her of a pirate like that.

"Don't look down," Baron said. "Just keep your eyes on me and you'll be fine." Haru nodded, then spread her arms out for balance and walked towards Baron along the wall. The other drama students were cheering while Toto tried to start a chant encouraging her.

When Haru got close to the stage Baron leaned forward, causing the couch to tip over with him riding it. He reached out to Haru, who ran the last few steps to catch Baron's hand. With a heave Haru was standing next to Baron on the couch, the other students all cheered and congratulated her. Then with a shift of his weight the couch started tipping back upright, Haru shrieked and clung to Baron's neck until she was sure it was steady again.

Muta gave a slow, loud clap. "Smooth, Baron. Very smooth."

"I haven't the _foggiest_ what you mean by that," Baron replied in his haughtiest manner.

"Oh I'm sure you don't," countered Muta, giving Baron the most obvious wink.

Toto leaned towards Muta and stage whispered, "I see he still has an arm around her waist." Then the pair smirked at Baron, who just rolled his eyes.

"So now that we have Haru here," called Hiro, another of the drama students, "CHANGE PLACES!" Haru watched as everyone scrambled to move to a different piece, then rushed to move as well. Toto's was certainly the most impressive, he ended up swinging around the pole and jumping to land, if not smoothly at least precisely, onto an ottoman. Muta simply got into a fake gondola, complete with wheels and a pole he was currently using to push himself around the stage. Haru had managed to get Muta's lounge chair and was currently curled up in it.

"So Haru, what was all that clothe you brought in?" Baron asked, looking comfortable despite being precarious perched on a strange prop that looked like a bunch of pipes welded together.

"Oh that, I went to a second hand store and found a bunch of neat fabric for really cheap! And also it's really similar to some of the costumes for your next production, which is really lucky and will help make the costuming a bit easier."

"That's cool," started Tomo. "Did you find-"

"Just _what_ is going on here?" Whatever Tomo was going to ask was lost as everyone turned to see Mrs. Tupman standing just off stage and glaring at her students with hands on hips.

Haru looked embarrassed and stared down at her toes. The other students didn't seem to share her chagrin. "Mrs. Tupman! Mrs. Tupman! The _floor_ is _lava_!" Hiro called frantically while waving his arms around.

Mrs. Tupman quickly side stepped up onto a chair and dining room table set, losing her shoes in the process. "Why didn't you tell me _before_ my shoes melted off?" The other students giggled.

"What about class?" asked Toto, sitting cross legged on his ottoman.

"What do you mean?" asked Mrs. Tupman. "We _are_ holding class, we're having team building exercises today." Everyone laughed at her comment. Then Hiro told everyone to change places again, and a lovely afternoon was had by all.


	3. Panic! At the Karaoke Bar

Haru was bent over her math text book as she re-read the chapter, still unsure why the school require math classes to get a degree in textiles! Her phone started jingling, glad for the break she reached over the side of the library chair and fished around until her hand caught her bag. She dragged the whole thing into her lap, right on top of her homework. Her phone had stopped, but she knew that jingle meant a text message so she started digging through the bag until she finally found her phone. "Ah hah! Gotcha." She woke it up to see she had a text from Toto.

The text was vague, just an address and the message: "Get here now!" That sounded… well, ominous. She copied the address into her map app and was a little surprised to see that it was a bar. Had something happened to Toto or Muta? Haru quickly stuffed her things back into her bag and left the school library. Fortunately the bar Toto had sent her to was really close, like only a few minutes walk away kind of close.

Haru walked in and stopped dead in her tracks. Baron was up on stage, bowtie undone, one sleeve rolled up, gripping a stand up mic in one hand, the other pushing his hair back, while he was singing something Haru knew from somewhere.

"Cuz you're my favorite subject," Baron serenaded. "My sweet, submissive subject."

Haru saw Toto and Muta waving at her from a booth. She wove her way between people excitedly cheering Baron along and slipped in next to Toto. "This is why you texted me? I thought someone had gotten punched out or something!"

"Sorry, sorry, but we couldn't let you miss the show!" Toto said placatingly as he pushed a beer to her.

"We got a drinking game going on-" Muta started.

"A drinking game?!"

"Yeah," Muta continued. "Every time you see Baron touch his hair, take a drink."

"Only if you want to destroy your liver!" Toto cackled. Sure enough, Baron ran both hands through his hair as he hit the middle of the third verse. All three took a drink and then grinned at each other.

"So why are you guys at a bar on a weeknight?"

"Baron got an essay back for some lit class today," Muta supplied before he added in a deadpan voice: "he got a B."

"Is he celebrating?" Haru asked.

"No, he's really upset."

"To be fair," Toto cut in, "It was an essay on some Shakespearean play or other."

Haru grimaced, "No wonder he's upset."

The song had wound down by then, causing the whole bar to erupt in applause. Haru joined in, laughing as Baron gave an exaggerated bow. To Haru's surprise, the crowd started chanting for an encore. With a shrug, Baron stepped back up to the mic while the crowd cheered even louder. Haru quickly fumbled to pull her phone out and start recording as the opening notes played.

"Do I look lonely?" Baron crooned as he snapped his fingers in time with the music. "I see the shadows on my face,"

Haru leaned over to say into Toto's ear, "I didn't think karaoke places allowed encores."

Toto shrugged before replying, "They know us here."

"We always get to pick out the encore song," Muta said with a grin.

Baron glanced over at them, a look of surprise crossing his face as he spotted Haru with her phone pointed at him. He pointed at Haru as he serenaded, "The lace in your dress tingles my neck, how do I liiiiiive?"

Haru snorted, hoping that her phone wouldn't pick it up. Baron pulled back, picking the mic up so he could throw his head back to belt out the chorus. He wobbled dangerously, but managed to stay upright and set the mic stand back down to lean over it for the next verse. Haru leaned closer to Toto again while trying to keep her phone steady, "He's not going to try pole dancing with the mic, is he?"

"Na, last time he tried that he fell off the stage."

Haru had to desperately hold in her laughter as she struggle to keep her phone relatively steady. She decided it was best to save any other questions until after the song finished. She was glad for it because there was a musical interlude after the second round of the chorus, during which Baron decided to dazzle the crowd with some dance moves, part of which included running his hands through his hair again, of course.

As Baron went into the last chorus Haru leaned over again, "Okay, this was totally worth it."

* * *

So it seems this setting has become a "add something to it whenever I'm inspired" kind of story. The songs featured here are _You'll be Back_ from the musical _Hamilton_ and _Death of a Bachelor_ by _Panic! at the Disco_. Inspired by a video of a figure skater doing a routine to this song while wearing the exact outfit I tried to describe Baron in. How could I not?


	4. A Rose by Any Other Name

It had started simply enough: Haru had been complaining about doing math homework for her textiles major, Toto graoningly agreeing, then Muta mocking them because math is so easy. Muta of all people being good at math! Haru was surprised, then asked for help with her math homework. Then she and Toto both asked for help from Baron with their lit homework. Then next thing Haru knew the four of them were having biweekly study sessions where they were helping each other with their homework, even if it usually did devolve into them just hanging out and having fun Haru still insisted she got way more done than if she had been working alone. And for the most part, she was right. Everyone's grades had improved after the new tradition started, so they saw no reason to stop.

One such evening found them all gathered around Haru's dining room table while her mother had completely taken over the living room with her latest quilting disaster, which was her first step to making a new pattern. Everyone's books and paperwork were spread out around the table, Toto was typing away furiously at an old laptop with that wrinkle in his brow that was a sure sign of frustration. "Hey Baron," Toto started. "Can you take a look at what I've written so far?"

"Sure, Toto," Baron replied as he slid his chair over to stare awkwardly over Toto's shoulder.

"How'd you get that name, anyway?" Haru asked, looking up from the (hopefully) last math textbook she'd ever buy.

"What, Baron?" Baron asked in confusion. Haru just nodded.

"Oh, that's an easy one," Toto replied eagerly. "It all started in junior high..."

"Oh man! This story! Wait, let me get some popcorn!" Muta pushed back from the table and started digging through Haru's pantry.

Everyone rolled their eyes, but Baron obligingly read through Toto's essay while they waited for Muta to finish getting his popcorn ready. Once he was settled back in his seat, Toto started the story back up.

"It all started in junior high, this was back before we met Muta."

"Same high school, different junior highs," Muta supplied when Haru looked over at him.

"Anyway, we were putting on a play and Baron somehow talked me into trying out and for some reason I even managed to land a part. Don't ask me what, I can't remember anymore."

Haru closed her mouth and sheepishly looked down.

"All I remember is that Baron was playing a baron of some kind, and boy was he playing it up." Everyone giggled, some things just never change. "When we were trying on the costumes he was just strutting around, saying some ridiculous things, and generally being a big ham. Then one of the other actors dared him to wear the costume all day at school."

"He didn't!" Haru gasped in delighted horror.

"He did," Toto smugly insisted. "He came to school early, changed into the costume, and wore it all day long. Except for P.E., the teachers made him dress down for that like normal. So he spent all day strutting around the school, sneering at everyone and everything, and just all around acting like a royal pain. Everyone in the play was calling him Baron What's-his-face..."

"Baron Bomburst," Baron supplied.

"Well everyone in the play called him that all day long, but by the end everyone was just calling him Baron and well… it stuck."

"So what's your real name?" Haru asked.

Muta chuckled and ate a big handful of popcorn, it seemed this was the part he was waiting for.

"You don't remember?" Baron asked, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy.

"I know you said your name when we first met, but I just can't remember. Sorry," Haru said sheepishly.

"It's Humbert," Muta supplied gleefully.

"Humbert?" Haru asked, unable to hold back a peal of laughter.

"You didn't think it was so hilarious when I introduced myself."

"Sorry it's just… somehow it's perfect but at the same time doesn't suit you at all!" Haru tried to hide her giggles behind her hands as she spoke.

"It was my grandfather's name," Baron said with a great deal of dignity. "It's a fine old name with a lot of history… it's very dignified. It means 'bright warrior' and-"

"We mostly just called him Bert when we were younger," Toto cut in before Baron could go into a full rant about his name. Baron rewarded him with a glare that could cut through steel.

Haru dissolved into uncontrollable laughter over her math textbook while Muta was just shoveling the popcorn into his mouth with a huge grin on his face.

"What's going on in here? Is everyone alright?" Haru's mother asked from the entryway as she looked around the room in confusion.

"Nothing, nothing at all is going on in here. Just studying," Baron insisted while glaring at the others.

"Baron's real name is Humbert!" Haru gasped as she tried to get herself under control, but she just couldn't stop the giggles.

"Oh my," Mrs. Yoshioka said as she held a hand up to her mouth to try to hide her smile. She pulled herself under control and wagged a scolding finger at Haru, "That's no reason to be laughing at him, he has no control over what his parents named him."

"And Humbert's a perfectly good name," Baron added with desperation.

"Yes, a perfectly good name," Mrs. Yoshioka added, though she couldn't help the upward twitch of the corners of her mouth.

"They called him Bert in junior high," Muta added with a grin.

Haru's mother snorted and put both hands up to her face.

"Not you too, Mrs. Yoshioka," Baron begged.

"I'm sorry," she replied through suppressed laughter. "But… it just doesn't suit you at all!"

Baron sighed, "I know."

"What about your middle name?" Haru asked now that she had gotten herself more or less under control. "Couldn't you have gone by your middle name if you hate 'Bert' so much?"

"Nope." Baron stood up and started packing his things. "Toto, you too. We're leaving."

"But I don't even know your middle name either," Toto objected.

"And it's going to stay that way, c'mon."

"It must be bad," Haru said to Muta.

"Yeah, like Eugene… or Orville," Muta suggested. Baron just kept packing his things up while his face turned redder and redder.

"Or maybe Elmer… or Herbert," Haru mused.

"Humbert Herbert?" Toto asked skeptically.

Mrs. Yoshioka snorted again and fled back into the living room.

"Hey Baron," Muta asked as said young man shoved the last of his things into his bag and shouldered it. "What's your other grandfather's name?"

"Nope!" Baron declared before walking out of the room. Once he was gone the three remaining young adults burst into laughter.

"Poor Baron," Haru managed to gasp. "I feel kinda bad for laughing at him so hard."

"But you're still laughing," Toto pointed out.

"Yeah..." Haru said guiltily before bursting into another round of laughter.

"So you really don't know?" Muta asked as he leaned closer to Toto.

"I really don't." Toto insisted. "It'd be super easy to find out, but it's more fun this way."

Haru and Muta could only nod in agreement before another round of laughter filled the room.

* * *

This chapter dedicated to Jatd4ever, who dropped me a lovely review and chatted with me a bit about theater nerds and school and stuff. This was one of the ideas I told you about, and the most concrete one. I can't promise to write anything else any time soon, any other ideas for this AU are really vague and distant. But if you have something you'd like to see these guys do feel free to tell me, I love this little AU. I think we all need more drama student Baron in our lives.


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